How did you know Luis was the one?
Congrats to all the “I knew right away he was the one” people! That seems like it would make the decision to marry so much easier!
Let’s go back five years ago, prior to meeting my husband I was on the hunt for answers, reading books, seeing counselors, fasting, praying, seeking hard that ONE important answer – how do you know he is the ONE? I wanted to be prepared and stop wasting time in relationships that would not be advantageous to the end goal.
Side note, I read some really, really good marriage books!! A couple of my favs that I would recommend to anyone dabbling in relationships or already invested in one. The Meaning of Marriage was an AMAZING book and just a really easy read.
The Right One, was a great book to help create a general awareness around QUALITIES to look for in a potential mate.
After all my finding and all my research here is what I found…..
Which is of no reflection of my husband. because I literally could NOT IMAGINE my life with any one else. He is strong and his love is fierce. And he is THE ONE. I know that NOW.
For me, prior to marriage, I don’t really recall there was a time I knew right away in one instant that he was the “one”. I did know I was crazy about him, he was different in his demeanor, lifestyle, goals and the infatuation period for us was so super strong. He is a very passionate person and I am, too. Over our two years of dating, I would continue to fall more and more in love and find things I loved about him and things I felt would be critical to a surviving and thriving marriage.
But to be honest, I didn’t have this fairy tale moment of “Oh my goodness. He is the one.” I knew we connected, I knew I loved to be around him and HATED to be away from him. One night I remember leaving his house and we were both in tears because it was just really hard to leave him (I was only going 3 miles, but doing it God’s way wasn’t always easy.) I knew that it would be really amazing to spend the rest of my life with him!
I was really so scared of marriage. My husband will tell you, when he proposed, I completely froze! I couldn’t speak or even answer his question!
But that’s ok, LOVE is the ANTIDOTE to fear.
He was so patient and so kind to my fears. But always challenging me to push past them and face them HEAD on. I took, and take, the commitment very seriously, and after all my reading I took it even more seriously. A covenant with God like He had with His church. The pressure felt like it was on and I felt like I seriously had to get this right! Also seeing my parents go through divorce as a child, and the pain my mother and father endured, I just couldn’t fathom walking through that again. At that time, twenty years ago, divorce was not common, and was shamed upon very much so. Which sucks because that just added to the pain.
I knew I was crazy about my (now) husband and he had values that were important, like family, relationship with God (he was Catholic at the time I met him), he worked so hard, he was a firm believer to take care of his health, he is so super smart and funny. Like always have me laughing.
When we would argue he would really fight for me, I am a little stubborn, and he sacrificed so much for me. And I mean SO much.
Things I noticed is that he would bounce back quickly after arguments, even the really bad ones where I was like, “okay this is IT. I’m out.”
He did a lot of things that were important to God like lead, protect and provide. I saw charcteristics like this that I felt would possibly lessen the chance of divorce, which I just could not bare.
I also looked at his parents relationship, his dad’s behavior. Not that there is anything “wrong” with divorced families, I come from a divorced family. But I think it’s important to look at not necessarily the past but PATTERNS. Generational patterns included.
During our dating phase he made me laugh a lot and we could talk for hours upon hours, we still do. About deep stuff not just surface level stuff. There was a real connection. Often times a challenge. Because we come from such complete different backgrounds most of the time we see things very differently. We are still learning how to manage our responses to particular situations to help each other feel validated, respected and understood.
One of the main things I noticed is that he didn’t have a drinking issue – that was HUGE for me and I feel like so rare to find. And what I mean by that was I was completely honest with myself, can the guy have just ONE for real? How often is he doing it? And on a few occasions, I would notice, he doesn’t seem to be controlled by the substance.
Again, not that I have any problem with drinking or people who drink, my husband drinks (and I say that casually, he occasionally has a drink) but based on my personal experience I knew that was not necessarily something I wanted on a consistent basis for myself, my family or my children. Plus, I am sober almost 6 years (Cheers! oh wait hahah) so if he’s in to drinking often and partying I’ve obviously got a decision to make.
That reminds me of a movie I recently saw with Reese Witherspoon, its a good one. Her husband could not get out of the party scene and she was sick and tired of him coming home at 2 and 3 in the morning and she wanted a different way of life. I get you Reese!
But I don’t know that it was like people say there was this one moment “I found the one.” I think it was more like I was becoming the right ONE. Trusting myself. I was committed to my convictions. I was committed to my personal growth. I was committed to God.
So if you find yourself reading this and you are that person wondering if he or she is the one.
I would first ask yourself if you are the one?
Are you someone worth investing your life in?
And I don’t mean be perfect, but are there any obvious character defects that should be worked through, anger, jealousy, drug problems, alcohol abuse?
See, we as people grow and evolve, and change over time. At least hopefully we do! Every day becoming a better version of yourself. If you yourself have some of the foundational truths purposed in your heart (love is a choice, love is work, love doesn’t give up, love is patient and kind, love isn’t always a pleasant feeling, marriage is 100/100 not 50/50, marriage will make you holy but not always happy) that unwavering, unconditional love with your partner will over time do miraculous things to you!
I promise. There are times I literally have paused in the moment to see myself (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually) and I am just so proud! So excited. I am so grateful. And well, mature.
Love is no doubt risky, but Love is also the best thing that will ever happen to you.
Thankful to the Lord for the gift of marriage with such a good, stable, loving man.
In disclosure I would like to add this post is in no way to condemn or shame anyone who has experienced divorce or the breakdown of relationships. Coming from a divorced family, I understand and I know there are situations that would deem appropriate for wise counsel, fasting and prayer for a decision. I enjoyed reading this article from Focus on the Family, a podcast that I love to hear for encouragement.